[the rock that replaces the heart. - repost]

Another oldie but a goodie. I promise, my posts will get happy soon. For now, I just need to get this out of my system. Though, on a happy note – I don’t actually feel like this. I feel more like a very mild version of this. So that’s good!

the rock that replaces the heart.

the rock that replaces the heart
weighs heavy
heavier and heavier by each passing minute

look at my forearms
look at my eyes
see how they shed
liquid disappointment

what did I do
wrong assumptions
pushing and pulling and pushing and pushing

empty or false
promises that I tried too hard
it’s me not you but it’s actually you

this heaviness should be gone by now
but you meant that much
morphine, more more morphine
numb

until the rainbow walks by
and a fleet of hope
until realizing yet again

one-sided

unrequited

for Nth time

why me

[i'll climb uphill to forget you. - repost]

This is a repost from my other blog.

But recent events have made this post relevant yet again. So even though this blog is meant to be significantly more light hearted, I’ll post this to remind myself to be kind to myself and practice loving kindess.

i’ll climb uphill to forget you.

little progress
see myself regress
but I digress

hoping for the unhopable
that inevitable cosine undulation
sending love and light when I think of you
nothing comes easy

you must love to be loved
still waiting for my heart to be returned
waves and waves of self-doubt

the shackles are gone
but the weight still lingers
i take in your sadness
i wait for mine to disappear

try to see if i can keep your love through osmosis
searching for last every drop in the glass

muscles pain and ache
the atriums pump
work double time when i feel you
listening to that bass line

waiting for this fog to clear

sitting
alone and independent
i’ll climb up hill to forget you
reach the top and meditate on love

[because this blog needs some love too]

Dear blog,

I haven’t forgotten about you.

Wait, I have.

Wait, no… I just haven’t much excitement in the past couple of months.

Okay, that’s a lie too.

Here’s a gift, and let’s just leave it at that.

my future decal...

[you can help a struggling english major!]

As someone who also majored in at least one useless major – Drama (the other one could be useful… Comm? yeah, COULD be useful) – I appreciate Russ’ honesty and reflection re: the trials and tribulations of those of us who have majored in “useless” majors. From the very first (and possibly only…) writing course that I took with Russ at university, I knew he was going to be big in one way or another.

I mean, the man put random solid colored slides in his PowerPoint for… for kicks. Granted, we were taking a rhetoric class whose topic was “Musical Theater” and it was hard to take the class seriously already as it was (easy A, though). He could wear a black turtle neck with jeans and present about new Apple products and he’d still be the man… (Too soon? RIP Steve Jobs)

Bottom line, dude cracks me up.

And the illustrations are done by my other homie, Sam Julian.

Oh, and they got featured in Freshly Pressed.

So really, there’s no reason not for you to go check them out.

So yeah, do it. I dare you. Click here!!! –> Oops, I Got and English Degree!

Love,
Oops, I got a Drama Degree and am now a Kindergarten Teacher

[truths about texting etiquette]

This shit’s too true. Does this make be a bad person? Yes. But honestly, do I care? Not right now. Oops.

[things one can ride - like a horse on the highway]

I was going through my tumblr today and stumbled on this little gem from about a year ago. This is a true story. Names have not been changed (oops).

I receive a text from my friend that reads as follows:

Nikki:: I had a dream last night that you let me ride your most prized possession (your brown horse) and since I was such an amateur horse-rider, I crashed your horse.. on the highway…because I was going too fast on a bend. Luckily, your horse survived, but you hated me for life. What does this mean???

I relay this information to my mother, to which she replies:

Mom:: Don’t let her take [insert then-boyfriend's name]

So then my natural reply to my friend is:

Me:: So I should never let you on anything that I own that you could ride, i.e. horse, car, bicycle, plane, boat, boyfriend..

The women in my life are so damn smart.

[why i love art - mind your step]

An incredibly cool art installation in Stockholm by artist/photographer Erik Johansson. I don’t want to explain much, but I think the video speaks for itself when it comes to explaining why I love installation art and art in general.

[29 ways to stay creative]

[hey you!]

Dear Blog #2,

I just wanted to say that I also haven’t forgotten about you and that my poor excuse for you is also that I’ve been in transition and haven’t been able to sit down and blog. But again, that’s a poor excuse.

But I promise to get back on this weekend and get on it!

Love,
Me

[super smart man, super cool jewelry]

My friend and I walked to the Ferry Building today because the weather was absolutely beautiful. On the way, we stopped by the Henry Bridges Plaza, right between the Ferry Building and Embarcadero Center, where there were a bunch of small arts and crafts booths set up for the day.

As my friend bought some awesome new copper and silver bracelets, I wandered over to a lone man in a smaller-than-others booth with some cool equipment on his teeny table.

Turns out, he makes jewelry – more specifically rings and washer pendants – out of quarters and silver half dollars. He hammers and shapes the coins so that you can see the year it was minted and anything else that is characteristic of the coin. The best part – it was only $5.

As I was taking forever to find the correct size for my birth-year-quarter ring, my friend and I ended up chatting with the guy for a good 20 minutes about everything and anything. And my gosh, was the man smart!

He told us that he got his high school diploma when he was 17, after spending 5 years in HS and was a solid C student only because the school wasn’t teaching him anything he was interested in. Then he proceeded to start explaining mathematical and scientific theorems, spewing out numbers off of the top of his head. At first I thought he was just some guy BS-ing his way, trying to sound smart. But when I recognized the theorems and equations he was talking about, I knew this guy was for real.

He talked in standard deviations and how when he first met his wife 40-something years ago (his wife, apparently, is an ESL teacher), he told her that he was a straight C student. He also explained to her that C students run the world, because they took the most space on a bell curve. Then a few years later he decided that it was the F and A students who create opportunities for the C people. And then he started talking about deviations and statistic again and he lost me.

I’m finding that some of the smartest people I meet have only graduated HS and haven’t gone to university.

Honestly, he was just super cool, interesting, intelligent and fun to talk to. And he ended up giving us a discount on our rings and pendants!

I’m definitely learning to be more open to talking to (non-sketchy) strangers in the city. You learn the coolest things about life, people, and make new friends!

The ring and pendant I got from the smartest man on Embarcadero